lolabobs: (angels)
[personal profile] lolabobs
Something's gonna give at some point I guess, but in the meantime, me and the tissue box are well acquainted and I have a constant headache.

Today though, amongst all the things and the stuff and the rubbish, I had to listen to colleagues pronounce to all who cared to listen, how much worse it was for the mothers at work than anyone else. Just how much more difficult it was for those with children to cope with the work load and pressures than those without children. So very much more tough.

Why exactly? Why does my work/life balance count for less than theirs? Why is it not equally as torturous for me to work myself into a puddle of shit as it is for them? Why does the fact that I don't get to see my friends because I'm working late every sodding night, count for less? The fact I have to leave work and then go and check in on Mum before I can get home? In fact, they don't work late - the parents all get to say "no, I'm not working late, I have kids" - why does that count for more than "I have to get home to care for my Mother, or to see a partner or even to spend a couple of hours on my own to reclaim my sanity"?

Don't get me wrong - parents have huge pressures, they have to juggle life and child care and stress and all the rest of it. But 90% of the time, that's a choice they made, no one made them have kids and they get all the joy and love and reward that goes with it. I'm happy for them.

But whatever being a parent makes them, it doesn't make them any more or less deserving than me. It doesn't mean that all the crap and stress and overwork hits me any less hard than it does them. Why do we have to grade on some sort of curve anyway. We're all in a shithole of a job, overworked and with redundancy looming. Why compete for who's suffering most?

Yes I'm tired, and worn down and crushed with it all. I'm harpy and oversensitive, but I'm equally as valid as those without children and I get fed up with being told I'm not.

[And no, no one on my lovely flist does this to me.]

Date: 2013-09-02 11:13 pm (UTC)
ext_25473: my default default (Hug Blue Fix)
From: [identity profile] lauramcewan.livejournal.com
oh honey!!! (((((HUGS))))) I wish I could pop over and make you tea and a casserole and a chocolate pie and take care of YOU. Ah, my heart hurts with you.

There must be Something that can be done. Darling!! (((((Hugs)))))

Date: 2013-09-07 07:47 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lolabobs.livejournal.com
Thank you.

I made it through the week, sorta, and now I have a week's leave, so I'll make the most of that and deal with what comes after, after I guess.

Date: 2013-09-03 12:16 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sc-fossil.livejournal.com
You are just as important as anybody else! Don't let them drag you down. I know that's hard but you deserve as much happiness as the next bloke. Having a child doesn't make one any better than a person doesn't have children. :)

Date: 2013-09-07 07:47 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lolabobs.livejournal.com
Thanks - I'm trying!

Date: 2013-09-03 12:41 am (UTC)
hardboiledbaby: (hugs kisses)
From: [personal profile] hardboiledbaby
*hugs and hugs* I know, babe. I hear it too. You're not being oversensitive, but that's how you're made to feel. Don't buy into it, difficult though that is. *moar hugs*

Date: 2013-09-07 07:48 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lolabobs.livejournal.com
Thanks.

I know they don't actively mean to dismiss me, but it gets one down after a while. Probably if I weren't struggling so much at the minute itwouldn't get to me half as much.

Ah well, I have a week off now, so that's something!

(hugs)

Date: 2013-09-03 03:19 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sjames-centre.livejournal.com
Tea and toast was my mother's cure for everything that ails you - said if it couldn't be fixed by tea and toast, you were in a bad bad way.

And I get that at work all the time. The people who have kids seem to get a free pass out the door and never seem to work a minute of overtime. And the ones that do work late have people talking about how they never see their kids. And those of us without kids (or with grown ones like me) spend hours and hours there with not a word.

Date: 2013-09-07 07:50 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lolabobs.livejournal.com
It gets frustrating sometimes (and also makes me wonder how are they getting their work done - I work solidly and am still ridiculously behind - do they have less to do than me? work better? I don't know!)

Date: 2013-09-03 11:27 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] whatho.livejournal.com
Well, they couldn't be significantly ruder or wronger. I'm a bit sick myself of being told I'm better off lacking what someone else wouldn't give up in a million years. *hugs*

Date: 2013-09-07 07:53 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lolabobs.livejournal.com
Yes - the main culprit in this instance was a woman who has just come back from maternity leave 5 months pregnant

She's had best part of a year off (paid) and is now back for 3 months before popping off for another year. As she's only back for that short time, she isn't holding cases, so is just doing oddments of work here and there.

Yep. I can see how very much harder it is for her - as she leaves at 4.30 every day.

Date: 2013-09-03 03:22 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hutcherie.livejournal.com
Very good questions and yes, I also get that at work all the time. *hugs*

Date: 2013-09-07 07:54 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lolabobs.livejournal.com
It's frustrating to say the least.

Date: 2013-09-04 06:15 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kat-lair.livejournal.com
Oh hun! That is such bullshit and you entirely justified in calling her and others on that. I know it's difficult but please try to grab some of that 'me time' before you burn yourself out darling. *hugs*

Date: 2013-09-07 07:55 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lolabobs.livejournal.com
I have a week off now - I'm hoping that will give me the space to scrape myself back together again. It's tough right now.

(hugs)

Date: 2013-09-05 11:38 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] curiositykate.livejournal.com
I totally agree! *hugs*

Date: 2013-09-07 07:55 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lolabobs.livejournal.com
(hugs)

Thanks!

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