lolabobs: (angels)
And came back with a £3.99 bar of soap.

(which yes, four quid for a bar of soap is ridiculous, but still.)

I only bought it because it was in a nice box. There was a notebook too. It was A4 size, with really lovely pages - a kind of expensive but cheap looking finish. Lined and heavy. (that sounds ridiculous, the finish made it seem like an old fashioned type of paper. the ages were lovely and enticing. But the cover of the book was some kind of (fake, I hope) pony skin/fur concoction and I couldn't bear to touch it, it made me shudder and I walked around touching other things trying to rid my hands of the feel* so I couldn't buy it.

still, it's not as if I don't have a notebook or two about.

Then I took other to the supermarket, which was teh hell it normally is, made worse by it being a Saturday afternoon.

Where does one get a hearing test in the UK? I'm not sure if my Mum is getting ever more softly spoken, or if I'm going deaf. Either way it's driving me up the wall. There's a certain kind of white noise in the supermarkets that not only blocks me from hearing properly, it builds into a pressure in my head that makes me want to scream at times. (I'm fairly certain it's the nose, although I d hate supermarket shopping.)

*my senses seem a bit, well oversensitive of late. That whole touch thing with the book, the noise of supermarkets squashing my brain and I have to wear earplugs at night now to stand a chance at sleeping (baby seagulls on the roof and neighbours thinking that ta beautiful warm summer's evening means they should sit in the garden enjoying it. I mean what is the matter with some folk, how dare they sit, quietly chatting and laughing in their own yards. Seriously, it's the quietest and most inoffensive of noises, but it keeps me awake. I am walking around like a zombie at the moment.

Although last night's not sleeping was due to the fact that just as I was dropping off, I was startled awake by somebody (I would swear my Dad) calling my name. I saw or heard nothing further but lay awake for a good while listening, desperately for more.
lolabobs: (angels)
I survived a July of posting every day. (I hope it wasn't *too* tiresome for you all!)

Not sure what happens now, Naarmamo starts tomorrow, but I'm finding the mere thought of that rather daunting - We'll see what happens.

In the meantime tomorrow is bank apts and garage. Grown up stuff that I realise now, (As I type this before going to bed) that I meant to research on the internet in advance. Maybe I'll wake up early enough tomorrow to have a quick squidge.

I'm also needing to wash my clothes, dry and iron same, clean the entire house and pack for hols.

Fri I have a hundred and one work tasks I need to complete before I go on leave, so I expect an 8 or 9 pm finish.

Then hols (which I should be excited about, but am equally becoming daunted by - it's a 5 hour drive to the destination which is a stress in and of itself, and then there's going to be tons of family visiting, and staying in relative's houses and ...)

I'm sure it will all be spiffing.
lolabobs: (angels)
Hello. I'm feeling a little more in control of things/less desperate at the moment, thank goodness.

It's come at a cost on the one hand, in that I worked 36 hours in 3 days, but on the other hand, I made some progress in those 36 hours. In particular I spent a couple of hours on Wed not actually working as such, but sorting out all the variously located collapsing piles of paperwork, so that I now know what actually has to be done and by when. It hasn't made any less work (in fact I found some things that had been missed) but at least I know now what I'm facing. So that has helped enormously. Plus I can see the desk now!

I had today off - for the last I don't know how long, my days off have been spent in my pyjamas alternately sleeping and crying but today I made sure I had a 9am appointment, which got me out and about early and I've been busy all day. Which I knew I should have been doing/done earlier, but just couldn't.

But today I have delivered all the things that needed delivering, bought, wrapped and sent birthday presents, taken stuff to Charity shops and the recycling centre (Oh the woe, no-one but no-one wanted my vhs tapes. I went to several charity shops and emailed others and they all said a resounding no. They went to the tip for recycling in the end. I watched once loved tapes go into the bins and there was sadness.), I also took my Mother's rubbish. She collects every piece of plastic, including taking apart bubble wrap envelopes and asked me to take some to the recycling centre - When I went to pick them up she had 4 enormous (so large they wouldn't fit in my car boot) sacks full!

Also I've done washing and drying, had a haircut, been to teh pharmacy for medication, been to the free range butcher chappie, slow cooked and frozen stuff, made the world's biggest fruit salad, been to my brother's and my mothers *and* won £80 on a scratchcard!!

I feel healthily tired today and for the first time in a very long time there isn't a cloud in my head.

I hope it stays like this.
lolabobs: (angels)
We have snow, but not as much as they keep telling us we're going to have. Which, I don't even like snow, but I can't help but feel cheated.

Work has been weird - Monday started by going in and finding out that one of the receptionists had been sacked abruptly late Friday, which was unsettling. It's sad that all the expressions of sympathy were empathic in nature, frather than genuinely upset that the particular person had gone. Sad too that the reactions went from "Gosh, really why?" to "who's covering her work?" very quickly. She was an odd and not overly pleasant person though, so I guess that's been reflected.

Anyway, after that, Tuesday there were men on the roof making ridiculous amounts of noise. Removing some form of structure, which resulted in Wednesday, walking into an office with caved in ceilings, debris and muck and much water everywhere. (Thankfully not my office space). Much dispute has arisen between contractors and management as to the extent and cause of damage. (contractors are positing the theory that it was a coincidental ceiling catastrophe and naught to do with their removing roof tiles and failing to secure any cover...)

Friday saw confirmation that, once again, they are moving staff around, shifting people's desks and locations and general disruption. Have yet to have any real explanation as to why. Of course, we all have so much free time that a few more days wasted packing up and relocating is not going to be a problem. \sarcasm.

Anyhoo.

On top of that it's been a crappy week, I've been speaking to Debs around the loss of her mother and it's heartbreaking just on a compassionate level, but of course, it's bringing far too much to the fore about Dad - and as a consequence I'm dreaming horribly (or about my late boss*, which is equally disturbing if not emotionally distressing) On a lighter note though, I did dream that my bathroom taps were possessed by an evil spirit so I attempted an exorcism by singing Amazing Grace at them...

I don't think Sam'n'Dean ought to try that anytime soon (although it would be amusing to watch, perhaps less so than the current eps!)

On the tv front - I'm watching; SPN, this week's episode was good, but emotionally bleak. H5O which was, well, rather ridiculous of course, but enjoyable nonetheless. Ripper Street - similarly ridiculous, but managing to seem believable while I watch and I really like it and I have Suits still to watch. Oh and Lewis! I don't like it in two halves and I don't like where it's going but I'm enjoying the journey, and there was a dramatic moment when Hathaway looked sooo young and vulnerable and oh.

And my tummy hurts still and I've been feeling bleak all week, but I bought myself a new duvet cover and I won £5 on a scratchcard and I'm trying t hold on to the bright side.

*did I mention that walking into work a couple of weeks back I clearly and distinctly heard his voice? There was just me in the corridor and two women in the staff room. Strange. He would have found the concept of haunting the place amusing though, so I'm not perturbed.
lolabobs: (angels)
My lovely friend Debs called me today, to tell me her Mum died at the weekend. She died at home unexpectedly, D was away and sent a friend round to check on her when she had no answer to her calls. Deb had to rush home and fight with the Police to allow her mother to stay in the home until she could get there - eventually they agreed and she got to say here goodbyes in the house.

Absolutely dreadful, her brother is working offshore and can't get back and she's dealing with it alone. She called me to tell me, and to ask for what to do lists. So I told her and talked and listened.

And wept my socks off when we'd finished.

Then I went home and hugged my Mum to smithereens.

Oh, and seeming much more trivial than it did when I first saw the post; my nephew married at the weekend. The eldest of my middle brother's children. The family that don't speak to us. Still felt strange seeing the wedding photos on facebook, the younger two kids are very beautiful (the elder somewhat less so), and they all looked happy and gleeful. (top hat and tails, pimp stick and sneakers!) - and they're there without anyone from either family there (They've disowned all of her family too, we're not alone) and it's saddening - but in an abstract way. We've all moved on (it's been 20 years since any meaningful contact).

Anyhoo.
lolabobs: (angels)
Belated Happy New Year. Lj was petulant every time I tried to post at an appropriate time, so I played it at its own game and stopped trying. Ha! I can outsulk you lj, anytime you like.

In the meantime, I have been to work - which was rubbish as usual. Oh, but the foul man - I saw him again (We bumped into him in the street over Christmas) and he started out aggressive, before moving on to quiz me about who I was out with when he saw me and what I did over Christmas. (A while ago he asked me if I knew what it was like to go through a divorce, I gave my standard answer that I don't talk about my personal life at work from which he has intuited (!) that I am divorced with children - he continues with this idea, I continue to give no information other than generalised "yes, I had a nice Christmas"). I then had to talk to him about a missed appointment, making it clear that a second missed apt would result in a return to Court, he was sulky about this. Then announced "You need to find another job." He repeated himself, then added "You're too good for Probation. I like you."

UGH UGH UGH.

Who'd have thought I pined for threats!

Work aside there was a New Year's Eve. Which was quiet but I can't be bothered to write about it. I was going to comment on the Jools Holland programme, but I realise I can't spell it. It was enjoyable anyway!

I have made some resolves and am going to do a book for them in a minute. If I get organised enough I will scan it.

Oh, I watched The Hobbit. Not in the cinema, I wasn't overly interested really, but then it became available and I thought I might as well and it far exceeded my expectations. (I had none, well, I expected to be bored). I have no knowledge of the source (I should read it really) and so none of it offended me and although there were bits that I initially wasn't clear on (I struggled to tell Orcs and Goblins apart for a while) I did enjoy it and even have interest and anticipation for seeing the next installments. Hell, be truthful, I'm even tempted to watch it again. Plus Richard Armitage is very easy on the eye.

Miranda - I watched her too (twice) and enjoyed it muchly.

The decorations (such that they were) came down in all locations I am linked to - at work I was called "The Bauble Police" because I insisted they came down Friday so as not to pass Twelfth Night.

I have increased medication for my ulcer issues, I have multi vitamins and I have a headache.

I was succesfully outbid on something on ebay that I bid impulsively for and regretted. (Joules did a breakfast giftset for Christmas. I wanted the bowls that came with it but wasn't overly bothered by the box of porridge oats, the toast racks or the eggcups (I already have the eggcups). I was going to buy it half price in the sale, but they sold out. I became a bit obsessed, found it on ebay and bid in a moment of ridiculousness - thankfully someone was even more silly than me and outbid me (paying more than full price ultimately PLUS postage.) The bowls are pretty though.)

Then I undone the good work by paying £36 on a dish drainer. £36! More stupidity, provoked by a "I have a coupon to get £10 off if I spend £50 and I want the cheap perfume (that was a bargain at half price) and I need to buy something else to take it over £50 and... yes, I know it's rubbish. My bank account is struggling after Christmas anyway and I need to economise not buy unneeded things. On the other hand it is very pretty.

I shan't tell you about the sink tidy I bought to go with it, or the new duvet cover.
lolabobs: (angels)
I need a safety warning - I have been ridiculously clumsy/unfortunate these last 24 hours -

Yesterday, I had to go to work on my day off.
Where I suffered Paper cuts.
Leaving work, I turned my foot getting out of the car and can hardly walk today.
In the process of making dinner I smashed a glass dish (spilling a can of baked beans everywhere), cut my hands and feet clearing it up, put my thumb on the (hot) hot plate, and then dropped the finished meal - which I did manage to save, but only by catching the oven hot dish in my bare hand!
I sat down to watch a DVD - and the whole thing was in German.
I gave up and went to bed early, only to sit up tossing and turning till gone 3.
And then at 4am my cat woke me up YOWLING loudly and determinedly.
This morning, making breakfast, I dropped the bread knife on my foot, cutting my toe.
And I've had stomach pains all day!

My Aura must be off or some such thing.

Despite that I'm in a good mood, I have new, cosy pjs and a bag full of (sales purchased) clothes (Mum's Christmas present to me). I have a new book and because I forgot to use the book token I got for Christmas to buy it, I have an excuse to go book browsing and buy another. Yay.
lolabobs: (Default)
Mother wanted to go to The Range today - not a place full of cowboys unfortunately, a giant out of town store selling everything and then some. Our nearest such shop is an hour and a half away, but I'm on leave, so off we tootled. The place is on a big retail park, next to a Sainsbury's, so we "popped in" there first, for lunch and some milk....

Some time later we emerged, milk in hand, plus bathroom mats, shower mats and clothes and...
(I bought cake.) She looked at me. Tired. We came home.

That's right we made a three hour round trip to go to Sainbury's supermarket!

But this ) happened, so I didn't mind!

:)
lolabobs: (Default)
I have been incredibly lazy today, a tiny flurry of washing up and another of doing, then hanging a load of washing - but the day has been spent, in the main on the sofa internetting or in bed, sleeping.

Which has been lovely, but it makes me feel old!

Yesterday, I was up at 6am (which is normal for a lot of you strange morning people out there, but is practically obscene for a born night owl) - I was up because the high winds were attempting to steal the rain cover on my garden table (that I have used once, the morning after I bought it btw, bloody British weather.) - so I was in the yard, in my pjs, (loose pjs which the wind also tried to steal, so I apologise to the neighbours who may have been mentally scarred by my bare boobies), battling the tarpaulin and trying to find things of heaviness with which to anchor it.

After 20 minutes of that I was somehow, too awake to go back to bed.

Which meant I was ready bright and early for a work sponsored Road Trip. I had to go to Eastchurch (Kent) for a prison visit. A 3.5hour journey for a one hour interview. Such a waste of time, money and effort...

Or it would have been, had the journey not taken me directly past the Front Doors of IKEA! (Well, 5 minutes away from the FDoI, but I'm fudging it a little.) So, P came along for the ride, and we had a work sponsored trip to the time sucking, money gobbling halls of IKEA.

We were there for 4.5hours. Walking around looking at soft furnishings and kitchen utensils for 4.5hours. Marvellous.

I was quite restrained, buying only a few knick knacks (omg some gorgeous fabric) and a couple of filing cabinets for when I sort out my upstairs room) but P spent around £250 (it's just as much fun encouraging someone else to spend their money.)

We had a really good day, Elvis and Steps on the cd player, catching up on all the chat, lots of laughs. And, I know I'm odd, but I really love the sense of sharing a car journey. The synchronisation of passing sweets, water etc, having someone in tune to hand you your drink when you need it, getting money for the tolls, turning the air con on/off/down etc.

That said, I hate driving on big roads, 4 lane motorways freak me out, and 4 lane roundabouts are absolute hell. The Dartford crossings are evil things and I hate driving in the dark. So I find I can hardly move today because I spent 7hours in high tension with my muscles clenched while driving, and 4.5hours walking and carrying flat pack furniture!

Worth it though.

Things

May. 22nd, 2012 10:53 pm
lolabobs: (Default)
I don't know how to arrange these in thoughts or orders, and I could make separate posts, but I don't want to. So:

I got newbossed a while ago, and the new boss started last week. She's new in that she hasn't been the boss before, so she's learning. Old Boss who was supposed to be here to teach her the ropes is in hospital instead and so Mega Boss came in today and stood in. Our office is falling to pieces a little bit, lots of people are off sick with stress and trauma and things aren't getting done and targets are being missed and it's all a mess. So I came in today to find out that a report hadn't been written and could you do something that pretends to be a report now please in order to save the judge having a hissy fit and putting us in the paper. I did it - and New Boss thanked me *twice* and made a note on the record that I'd done it. Old Boss didn't know what 'thank you' was.

Then Mega Boss spent time apologising to me for other work issues!

Old Boss must be spinning in his hospital bed.

***************

BFF P was told yesterday that she's going to lose her job (or 80% of it) yesterday. It's a long long story and she has been shafted good and proper - but she is devastated. She has a mortgage and has just moved into her home after over a year of turning it from a shell to a beautiful home - now she's facing a future of £70 a week and may have to lose the house. She's in total shock and has no idea what she can do. Her job is very specific and isn't something she can just go and find a new position for - and she's lost. I feel sick every time I think of her situation and I can't help her and it's horrible.

*****************

Other friend went for a job interview yesterday and, although she scored all the points for the post, someone else scored higher and now she has to watch the person who "doesn't really want the job, but it'll be a change" take the position she's desperate for, and continue to work along side her in an admin role. That's crap too.

*******************

Other friend however, is loved up in the extreme and as the relationship is still secret from most people, spends his days writing "she loves me" or "We went for a walk" on post it notes and holding them up for me to read across the desk. Which is equally as tiring as it is sweet.

*******************

Everything I was supposed to do this week - a meal out, a prison visit to Kent, a birthday gathering - has been cancelled. Instead though I had a different meal out, a different birthday visit and spent yesterday evening with my (lost job) friend. Tomorrow I have to go to my brother's and I just want to go to bed and stay there.

*******************

I went to look at my Mum's neighbour's house today and ... well I don't know. It's nice, but I don't like the decor, but it's airy and next to mum, but it has an electric cooker but it has an en suite bathroom, but I'd have to buy a fridge freezer but it has a patio but they're taking the summer house but it has a huge bedroom but it only has two but it has an open fireplace but it's brick.
And my house is nice. And I don't know what to do and whether I can afford it anyway or whether I can afford teh move etc if I can afford the house and it's all very alarming.

I have a man coming to the house to tell me how much it should cost on Friday and then I can panic about the decisions I would have to make then. Then. then.

******************

I'm tired.
*******************

F is at Chelsea flower show. Have I mentioned that? He and his business partner designed a garden and got into Chelsea and they won a silver medal today. I sent him a text congratulating him and received a :( in response. When I queried this, his only answer was "I wanted a gold"

********************

I still very much like White Collar and I shall go and watch an episode now to calm my mind.
lolabobs: (Default)
My Mum's next door neighbour has put her house up for sale. It's an okay house, and now I'm wondering whether I should see if I could sell my house and buy that on,

It would make some things a whole lot easier, ie being right next door to Mum, accessible easily if either one of us is sick, and easy to feed each other's cats etc. Plus living next door would mean I could 'pop in' instead of necessarily staying for hours at a time.

The long term plan, since losing Dad, was that eventually I would move in with her and buy her house off her - I would want to do this eventually, because it's such a lovey house and I feel I will inevitably have to care for her ultimately anyway. This is a long term plan, because of the cats - ie we can't merge the household easily, whilst the cats remain. Buying next door would erase this problem.

Is it doable? depends on the valuation of my house - it was valued at 95k when I remortgaged last year, but whether that is still the case I don't know - neighbour's is up at 94,995 - in theory I should be able to get a mortgage without hassle, as it would be the same value debt. Just depends whether I could sell mine. Neighbour's has only two bedrooms, but an upstairs shower room instead, and I do only need one bedroom really..

Oh I don't know what to do!

Will probably get neighbour to show me round next week, see about a valuation of mine and make a decision from there - would need to speak with mortgage people too...

scary just thinking about it!
lolabobs: (Default)
I love my new laptop, but I don't love new Mozilla. It doesn't restore tabs, the lj add on doesn't work and I can have either access to my emails OR ad block, not both. BOO.

And it's so cold in here that my fingers are almost too cold to type, I fell asleep doing the crossword at Mum's and woke up in time to come home, so so much for keeping her company!

Erm, the hire car was an Audi and I didn't like it, but the journey too and from the prison was bright and somehow restful. I recalled a man to prison today and dragged another one from his foul mood by mickey-take pouting like you do with small children.

I got a letter from the bank, trumpeting their delight that my super duper high interest account has paid me (wow)68p over the year and aren't I lucky, and another from the credit card company reminding me that I bought a new lap top at the weekend *and* four new tyres for my MOT and owe, well, significantly more than 68p!

And that's enough for now.
lolabobs: (Default)
My mother and I have a house that we are in love with - we daydream about winning the lottery and buying it and, every so often, drive past and drool at it. I search on line trying to snoop through and I think it was last sold for a bargaintastic half million and we imagine how much we'd have to offer to tempt the owners to sell.

Today, Mother sighed and said she didn't think it was owned by one person, cos the curtain ddn't match in all the rooms. We spent the next half hour arguing about matching curtains! Do your upstairs and downstairs curtains match? (I appreciate this sounds as if I am euphemistically asking you about your private zones, but whilst I won't be offended if you start telling me about your personal grooming, I am actually focussing on drapes here.)

This link may take you to the house: http://www.zoopla.co.uk/property/25-gunton-cliff/lowestoft/nr32-4pf/17117294 - it's all turretty and lovely.

Houses aside I am spending google time looking at: laptops, stick hoovers, cameras and kindles. I obv don't have the money for all these things, but am looking nonetheless. Simultaneously I am in a big funk of I don't need things, I have too many things. If I move to mother's I shall have to get rid of all the things and if I don't, I'm just gonna die one day and the council will have to come in and clear my things and will throw them away anyway.

Did I mention that I'm still not doing so well?!
lolabobs: (Default)
Went to see Legally Blonde (the musical) yesterday - and it was such a fun show. Lively and very well staged - loved the UPS man, Pauletta the hairdresser and the dogs! Very funny. Good to see my friend too, we had dinner at Carluccio's first and then chilled at the theatre.

Slightly soured when I came home at 11pm and then spent the remainder of the evening trying to block out the activity across the road - remember the 'is the drunk man in the house ok' shananigans in the the snow a couple of weeks ago? Well soon after I got home there were ambulances and Police cars outside doing their thing. Unfortunately it appeared to be a similar thing to when we lost Dad - ie very little ambulance activity but an awful lot of waiting. So now I deduce that someone in the house passed away last night - and I spent the night trying to repress memories.

Reverting to more positive news - (or should I say bizarre) Mum received a cheque yesterday for £50 from the Co-Op Insurance. "In compensation for your complaint" - no letter, no apology, just a cheque for £50 and the above statement. I was on the point of sending a third complaint (after the first complaint, they sent a letter (saying only "we have your complaint, we think it is about...") addressed to Dad, I returned it with an additional complaint letter - they then sent a letter (saying "we can't answer your complaint yet") addressed to Mum on the envelope, but headed Dear Mr W...") I have to say that £50 isn't unwelcome, but there is still no way I'd touch Co-Op services with a barge pole in future!
lolabobs: (Default)
First of all, Thank you [profile] didihutchimpits, [personal profile] mrs_sweetpeach, [personal profile] kassidy62 and [personal profile] enednoviel for my cute blue dragons, and [personal profile] curiositykate, [personal profile] kassidy62 and [personal profile] hardboiledbaby for my glass hearts - all lovely and very much appreciated.

Second: I have an add on or additional thingie (I can't remember the term) that means that I have a plus sign next to cut tags and can uncut things without going to the page itself...except it's stopped working? Can anyone tell me why? What to do to make it work?

Thirdly: It is surprisingly hard to ask for "A big bag of bird seed" without getting ALL your words muddled.

Fourth: I started sorting my wardrobe today. Deciding to get rid of my thin clothes, because I'm irrefutably fat and if I ever get not fat again I'll just have to buy new clothes. I started off well and have disposed of two big bags (when I say disposed, I mean added to the charity bags. I wasn't not fat for long, they're all practically new). But I had to go out twice today. I only got back the second time about 30 minutes ago. In typing this update I have remembered that I left the job unfinished and have a mountain of clothing still my bed. Urgh. I've a feeling they will get dumped in the back bedroom rather than put away tonight!

I noticed that all the clothes I am getting rid have colour and all my current clothes don't. My wardrobe is going to look very drab when this task is finished. Black on black.

Finally: I've forgotten what this point was going to be.
lolabobs: (Default)
Woke up feeling sad, and tired, and ill. Not the best start and not a strong foundation. Work was, there was nothing that happened as such, but I felt ill and out of place. I dealt with everything, but then I was getting ready to interview and since we've moved offices everything's changed - before we had a report, we were given a file and everything else we needed was saved onto the computer under their name - now, well now there's no tellingwhere anything will be, it seems to depend upon whichever individual processed it, Norfolk people are saved in Suffolk, have teh systems are inaccessible and... anyway, I went into the other room to ask my colleagues for help. I'm wheezing 'cos I'm still ill. I explain my query and someone comments on my lack of voice, next thing I know, I'm crying. And can't stop. I disappear into the loos for a while, wash my face, come out - sit at my desk and find I'm just sitting there crying. Thankfully, one of my colleagues just came over to me, took the file for the imminent report from me and told me to go home.

I drove around for an hour - just crying and driving before I eventually went home.

Home, where I had lunch - and broke my tooth on a bread roll.

So then followed emergency dentistry - which regulars amongst you will know I don't do well. Dentist "AW!"ing at me as I lay there shaking, crying ('cos I hadn't leaked salt water enough today) and making embarassing squeaky noises.

I now have a headache, toothache and screwy sinusses. Today sucked.
lolabobs: (Default)
I suppose I could leave it at the heading, but that makes it sound much more exciting than it is.

So. Erm. Snow. Lots of snow meant that we didn't go to Ipswich. That's now postponed and will be gotten to once the snow departs. I'll be glad t go when I'm feeling fitter too.

Went to Mum's instead, read Sunday papers, fell asleep for almost 2 hours in the armchair.

Then I came home, changed in to my pjs and...got a knock at the door from a young man. (ooh young man!) No not that type. A man who enquired of me, did an old lady live in the house opposite? A slightly strange question. (No, but a drunken, odd old man does.) We discussed this and he explained his concerns. Namely that the front door of the house was slightly open, yet the house was in darkness and the snow drifted against it undisturbed.

I put on boots and plodded over there. In my Pjs. Young man was still there at this point looking at the door with his phonetorch. The gap was very narrow - perhaps quarter of an inch? I questioned how he came to see the door was open. I had to peer closely to see it - he said he'd 'been looking at the snow and just noticed'. Hmm. Anyway, fact remained door was open, house in darkness and occupier is a drunk old man. Sober young man thought I could phone the Police - 'Thanks' he says as he wandered off.

So, knowing I couldn't cope with doing nothing just in case, I duly called the Police switchboard and reported the... not incident. Police came, were more concerned with the strange Young Man and how he'd spotted the open door but did eventually go investigate the house.

Reporting back later Policeman told me that they were all well, 'him, his wife and a lodger - they were in bed. The bed's in the front room' - which calls to mind allsorts of questions, not least the fact that in the 11 years I have lived here I have never seen a wife, let alone whether all three of them were in bed. I don't quite understand either how, with 6+inches of snow outside, they were sleeping with the door open to the elements. (Although three bodies in a bed would make extra heat!)

Ah well, good deed/interfering nosiness done for the day.
lolabobs: (Default)
For a meeting and maybe a couple of hours is all. I went to see Doc this morning and he wanted to sign me off longer, but I need to go back to work now. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to and I cried ater speaking to the HR, and feel sick whenever I think of it, but if I don't go back soon I won't be able to. And as I haven't won the lottery I cannot live without a job, therefore needs must. My doctor was lovely though.

I have an appointmnet with a link worker on the 30th - how quickly works the nhs - and I'm not really sure what it's for, to 'assess' and see what help I need. I need all this not to have happened, but I guess that's an unreasonable request.

Anyhoo. Work. I shall be on some kind of phased return - a meeting with my line manager tomorrow (I've been reverted back to my old line manager in my absence. Not sure how he'll feel about that, but I think I've been deemed too fragile to cope with a new line manager right now, especially one who is retiring at Easter.) and a meeting wth HR on Thursday. I probably shan't go in other than that this week.

My biggest dilemma/issue is whether I can/want to continue the group delivery work.

me trying to make straight my thoughts and worries about group work. It's a confusing mess to me so is best avoided. ).

What else. I have been sleeping at home for a week now. I've been sleeping at home, pottering about in the mornings and then coming up to Mum's for the rest of the day/evening. Obviously when I return to work full time she will then be alone all day. I hate it. Mum and Dad were those couple that went everywhere together, sat together in the evenings, held hands when they walked anywhere. I hate her being alone so much. She, of course, says "she's fine" and "will manage" and "I'm not going to ruin your life, girly." but then she talks to other people and says how she hates the quiet and how long the evenings are when she's on her own and how dreadful it is.

And see, I know time is the great healer and she will get used to his absence, and being alone and all the rest of it but in the meantime I cry in my car after I leave her each night.

And the other thing is her health - that's not going to get better - and I know that, unless she reaches a stage that needs hospital type care, I will have to move in with her eventually to look after her. And I wonder if it wouldn't be better to just do that now - rather than waiting till later? - which brings with it huge questions aboutr finance and funding and buying her house and cats and ... oh.

These are the things that go round and round and round my mind. It's no wonder I can't sleep. Although, if I catch the sleeping pill at a time when I have a restful mind - ie I stop reading at exactly the right time, then I can catch a few hours.

I've been trying to organise scattering Dad's ashes, and Mum's Benefits, and Dad's bank accounts and they're all being shitty. Oh! And I had a woman tell me that week that I was "Just being awkward" when I phoned for the FIFTH time to chase a refund that had supposedly been issued 5 weeks ago!
lolabobs: (Default)
The thrilling events of today. Housework, first here and then there. I decided at the beginning of the week that I would move home this weekend, but it seems to have slipped my mind and suddenly tomorrow is the weekend and it seems ridiculous to even consider it. But I know I have to and I shall sleep at mine from Sunday night - but really, it would be very easy to stay here. And I heard Mum talking and she's nervous for when I go. In reality though, for the immediate future I'll still be here most of the time, just going home to sleep when Mum goes to bed. I can't just suddenly disappear and leave her on her own.

We went to my brother's for tea tonight. I'd forgotten that Pete took Dad's car to his at the weekend so he can handle the sale. I turned the corner into his road and it was parked outside and I just burst into tears. It's stupid, 'cos the car sat outside this house for 7 weeks without upsetting me.

My aunt believes in Spiritulism and believes that she is a spiritualist and can communicate with the dead. I... I have mixed feeings about the whole enterprise, I would LOVE to believe it and I do have a vague woolly idea of a continuation of sorts. But I also strongly believe that there are some cruel, cruel people out there who are very good at reading people and manipulating strong emotions. I don't think my Aunt is one of those, but she does 'do readings' for people and I think she's talking out of her hat. Years ago she advised my Grandfather that his recently departed wife was "on a coach trip eating egg sandwiches". Today she called to speak to my Mother and as Mum was in the shower, ended up talking to me. She talked to me about her beliefs and offered as proof the fact that a) Dad had been to her and shown her my mother surrounded by loving arms and b) she talked to her late husband at the supermarket and asked him if she needed to buy eggs. I tell myself she means well. (And also that the spirit world seems to be fixated with eggs).

Oh, but I was brave today and told my brother that, whilst I appreciated his offer of his sewing machine very much, my friends had clubbed together to contribute to a new one for me and so wouldn't accept it. This is the truth, but I'd managed to get myself in a pickle about telling him and seeming ungrateful. He was fine about it.

I've eaten two cupcakes today.
lolabobs: (Default)
Hurrah! I have a new phone This one. Isn't it pretty?

Also, after two days of repeated attempts, I finally got the broken phone to recognise teh usb cable and managed to rescue 3 years' worth of photographs. So I'm doubly happy.

I'm refusing to think about tomorrow.

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