lolabobs: (Default)
So who knew that even after a year, plus, really? A lifetime before that. But even so, a year on and peeping at a few snapshots of my Mum holding a cousin's newborn baby, sees me driving home in tears. So bloody ridiculous and rubbish.
lolabobs: (DERREN GUN)
So, my mum's magazine has been running stories on 'sperm doners' via the internet, trying to claim an expose (How *do* you get accents on letters?) that the men are just after sex, wanting 'natural donation' ... so this week's mag was full of counterclaims from happily impregnated women who'd gotten sperm from altruistic men for nowt but £30 travel costs, sperm in a little pot, no sex required - there were explanation of the sites available and how very easy it had all been.

And I sat there and thought, "Oh, it's a lot simpler than I thought, I could check that out. Just maybe. In a while.When I'm ready."

And it honestly took me 5 minutes before the penny dropped. 5 minutes of meandering daydreams and suprising optimism.

Bugger.
lolabobs: (maisy millicent morris)
I have spikey, prickly, pointy and itchy bits of stitch in places where I would rather not have them. They are working their way out, in a manner which leaves me squirmy and fidgetty.

Brittle - that's another word for them. Brittle, snappy bits of stitch that poke and prod then snap.

OTOH I have a ginormous bar of chocolate, so that's alright.
lolabobs: (Default)
Seriously - I never realised how intrinsic a part of my life they'd become. Every single purse or jacket I pick up has tampons in the pockets. There are pads and plugs in drawers and cupboards, corners and cabinets. Everywhere.

I'm also not really sure what to do with them, it's easier somehow to offer someone a bag of unwanted books. And let's not even mention teh moon cup (used ofr 3 whole months before I gave up!)

Mixed in with the growing realisation that I need never buy another plug again, is a befuddled tetchiness around the concept of the children I always thought I'd never have anyway. At times (when my still present PMT is at it's worst) there's almost a sense of "How dare they?" whenever someone even mentions another having children. (In my dream last night I dreamt I was 5 again, visiting with my Mum and Nanny. There was a small baby there (Who was TALKING - it was literally 3 weeks old and was conversing lucidly with my mother - creepiest thing EVER) - and my Nanny made some traditionally broody comment about not having a baby in her arms and my 5 year old dream self stropped at her to "get over it, I never would now") It's a tad confusing.

~~~

I moved piles of books today (sensibly and in small heaps!) and realised that the ones on my windowsill had actually formed quite a helpful 'curtain' and that with them gone my neighbours had a better view than they should. Maybe some books will revert to the sill...

Went out with the folks in teh afternoon, ice cream at the seaside and charity shopping for more books.

~~

Birthday greetings to Marion nd Audrey x x x x
lolabobs: (eddie hug)
I'm feeling generally better in myself - still exhausted all teh time, which is just ridiculous, but on the mend.

Gonna post each day this week - trying the opposite approach to not posting at all - doesn't mean I'm going to have anything to say mind, but I'm gonna say it nonetheless.

I've been viewing Doctor Who - I'm taking my time getting to know the new folk. I'm not blown away with delight yet, but nor am I full of hatred. I'm waiting for the to develop and grow on me and I have expectations that they will. I'm not commenting on any specific points, 'cos I can't
be bothered to cut - I've enjoyed aspects of each episode and disliked others.

SPN is wonderful and awful and terrifying and sad and wonderful and exciting and I watch each episode holding my breath and fearful. I've sneaked at the promo clips for next week and am excited and afraid.

Is there fanfic of the Alex Delaware books? I don't seem to be able to find any.
lolabobs: (fairy)
Today I...

sat downstairs for an hour!
had a visitor!
watched cheesy 70s sitcoms!

decided 10 days of doing nothing was going to drive me insane!
realised that I didn't have a lot of choice in the matter!
had a nap!

OOh - it's exciting here.
lolabobs: (Default)
A practical account of my hysterectomy so far:cut for long windedness/TMI/Just because. No one should feel compelled to read it> )It was .... interesting.

ULP!

Mar. 7th, 2010 11:18 am
lolabobs: (SPN omg deen)
So, in a few hours I am admitted.

I feel so sick right now. Like there's a lump blocking my throat. I haven't packed my hospital bag, nor my 'stuff to take to Mum's' bag. I haven't bathed or dressed and I'm just sitting here trying to will teh time to pass, but also to stand still.

Ug.

I'm blocking out the consequences of teh op, I'm trying not to think about the practicalities of it. Actually I'm not too worried about the pain etc. I'll have morphine immediately after, and analgesia afterward. I'll be looked after and have no pressure, so that's good. I'm lucky there. I'm just freaking about the immediate stuff. The being in hospital surrounded by people stuff, the not being able to talk to those I need to speak with. Having embarassing things done, enemas, catheters, hating my body and having it exposed to stranger after stranger. Geting more and more stressed. Ug.

It will be done in a week. I'll be home and in familiar surroundings. It's only a week for God's sake.

I do keep fighting the urge to write "if I die" communications - even though I know that won't happen. It's just, I'm getting freaked now.

ARGHHHHHH!

Right. Enough of this whinging and silliness. I'm going to go and bath and pack. I shall see you all on the flip side. Well, most of me will!

xxx
lolabobs: (Default)
My week off pre op is going quite nicely.

Had a night out Saturday -- with old friends, and met some new, friends of friends. Had a nice drink, chat and giggles. And only slightly embarassing photos!

Sunday was spent being incredibly lazy - didn't get dressed, just lolled about and read. I watched Tropic Thunder and vegged nicely.

I went out for the day with the folks Monday, trolling round little villages - bought a book for recuperation - but kinda started it and finished it already! Oops.

Tuesday - housework, grocery shopping and sorting - found old letters and managed to throw out a load of uneeded papers, old school essays etc. Watched SPN episodes.

And today - I did some errands, brought some chocolate, finished the book, and this evening I've been out for a meal with my friend, which was lovely - and less than £10 for the two meals and two drinks.

Tomorrow I have my pre op assessments/tests/discussions etc - at 8.30am! Ulp

Friday - I have a lunch date with S from work, then I'm going to Norwich shopping, then meeting my friend Jo for dinner and Les Miserables at the theatre!

Saturday evening I'm meeting with F and P (and maybe their family) for a meal and chat.

Then it all goes downhill on Sunday!

So far it's been a good week though.
lolabobs: (SPNDaddydean)
My womb, sensing its imminent demise, has decided that it's going out kicking and screaming. Either that or it thinks that causing pain, mess and mayhem is the way to make me come to my senses and realise "Doctors be damned, I'm keeping you!"

My angst on losing my womanhood, diminishes with each application of hot water bottle.
lolabobs: (DERREN GUN)
cut 'cos I went on a bit. It's just stuff about how preparing to leave work for my op is affecting me )

In other news:
I watched the live Eastenders and the aftermath show (having not watched it for around 3 years) and I fell a little bit for Bradley *and* his dad. Then realised that I had fancied teh Dad years and years ago when he had a role in Casualty and I had written his name down on a scrap of paper so I didn't forget it! Then really freakily, yesterday I was at Mum's and watched a Miss Marple tv movie - and he was in that!

I watched the Sports Relief dancing and it was entertaining. Though the Holby woman was rubbish.

I watched Masterchef - I swear Greg anbd John say exactly the same thing every single episode - and yet I still watch.

The three statements above represent the most television I have watched in months.
lolabobs: (Default)
It's been a strange weekend - yesterday was great - I went shopping with Mother - bought some clothes - major bargains - and I can only afford cheap stuff at the moment, so pleased to get a few goodies - especially as the stuff I bought at the end of May is already too big :D
Oh and Ha - my calves have always been too big for knee high boots, and I've realised this morning that if I continue as I am, I am going to be able to have sexi boots this winter! How sad am I?!

Really busy day yesterday then, shopping with Mum, helped Dad put up and tune in his new tv, saw my friend in the evening, then came home and watched Zack and Miri make a porno (Which I really liked - as opposed to Step Brothers which I saw in teh week and was apallingly bad).

Today I haven't even changed out of my pjs. Every time I tried to do anything I came over week and exhausted. Not breathless as such, just feeling wacked out. I guess teh anaemia is coming back - I had a blood test Thursday again though, So I will get the results soon - and it's my hospital apt Wed, so an end may be in sight!

And on that point - any flisters out there who have had hysterectomy wanna answer a few questions - maybe of a TMI nature? Although teh current pressing issue is - do you still get PMT? I have had such rage this week, and it really isn't like me, bit moody yeah, but not full on wantin to scream. (Not helped by my neighbours who chose to play their music very loudly today. In two seperate rooms, two seperate sets of music. Argh!)

I watched Robin Hood and )

I can smell smoke.

I am listening to Red by Daniel Merriweather and I'm in the Mood for love by Jools Holland and Jamiroquai on rotating repeat. (Quietly!)
lolabobs: (Default)
Hurrah! I finally have a letter from the hospital with a revised (bought forward) appointment to se the consultant!

As I've spent the entire night, getting up every hour and a half due to flooding and pain, this is very timely!

It's been an interesting couple of days - Thursday I developed a migraine, I prefer to sleep these off for the 36 hours required, but had no choice but to go to work Friday am, (plus being woken at 5am by really bad cramps). So, despite being a complete zombie, i got ready for work. I took my usual collection of fruit for grazing (apple, banana and orange). Upon reaching for my snack mid morning however, I found: an apple, an orange.. and a small bottle of ketchup!!! WTF?!

To add to teh surreal element of yesterday, I came home and watched Repo:The Genetic Opera. Bizarre. In a good(ish) way, but bizarre all the same.
lolabobs: (Default)
All shiny and optimistic and la la la with the false belief that my body actually liked me a little bit?

Pah - fooey.
lolabobs: (DERREN GUN)
I don't understand twitter. Why do people I have never met, or interacted with in any way, shape or form, start following me? I don't tweet anything witty or amusing? Where do they even find me?

####

Am LOVING Marion's new piece of art work - I haven't been here to catch all the wip posts in progress, so have just had a concentrated burst - beautiful!

####

Read the 'side effects' brochure of Teh Mirena last night - the one they give you post op, which starts with "make sure you read this thoroughly before having the Mirena fitted" (!) It has the usual host of common side effects listed including, and remember that this was prescribed to hopefully ease my painful periods, "painful periods". Have I missed something? Other common problems include weight gain (great), tender breasts, backpain, acne and mood swings. So - permanent PMT in other words? Fantastic.

####

Icon has just reminded me - I dreamt about Derren Brown last night. Gazing into my eyes challenging me to look away. Part of a show, nothing personal. I don't remember anything else.
lolabobs: (Default)
It is done. I am biopsied and probed and all sorts. I also suspect that they swung me around from the stirrups, rented me out as a crash test dummy and dropped me off the trolley - something has to account for the bruises and my extreme inability to move for days. But the bruises are fading and I am capable of movement once more, so hurrah!

How is everyone out there? All well and shiny I hope.

In the 'week' of my absence my nephew was mugged - bastards. But E fought back and floored teh git and lost only a necklace, although was shaken up.

Also discovered that my aunt was targetted by arsonists last Thursday and she lost her caravan, two sheds and contents, an awning and half her conservatory before the fire brigade killed teh flames.

In less dramatic news I have returned to my home to find that a cat has been in and peed somewhere, I've yet to seek out where.

Ah well.

I'm Baaaaaack!!!
lolabobs: (Default)
Pre op stuff today - I've been probed with cotton swabs (nurse stuck 'em up my nose to check for mrsa - I thought she was going to come out the top of my skull she rammed it up there so high and hard!). Swabs from groin too (she's glad I was "tidy"). I've had an ECG - I wandered in and wondered if she'd like me to take my cardi off -"chest bare dear!" barked different nurse. I wibbled, left my bra on - "Completely bare!" came the slightly gruffer command. It's bizarre - I'd psyched myself up for downstairs probage and was greatly disconcerted to have to get topless. As it was, groin swab aside, my downstairs didn't get an airing today. I've had blood taken and temperature (quite why she took that today I don't know, I'm guessing it may change by Monday morning). Blood pressure ("Hmm, well you're doing something right.") and general instructions given.

7.30am I've to be at the ward. It's good I guess, that thi sis bugging me more thna the op itself at this point. My Denial is Strong.

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