ULP!

[lolabobs]

So, in a few hours I am admitted.

I feel so sick right now. Like there's a lump blocking my throat. I haven't packed my hospital bag, nor my 'stuff to take to Mum's' bag. I haven't bathed or dressed and I'm just sitting here trying to will teh time to pass, but also to stand still.

Ug.

I'm blocking out the consequences of teh op, I'm trying not to think about the practicalities of it. Actually I'm not too worried about the pain etc. I'll have morphine immediately after, and analgesia afterward. I'll be looked after and have no pressure, so that's good. I'm lucky there. I'm just freaking about the immediate stuff. The being in hospital surrounded by people stuff, the not being able to talk to those I need to speak with. Having embarassing things done, enemas, catheters, hating my body and having it exposed to stranger after stranger. Geting more and more stressed. Ug.

It will be done in a week. I'll be home and in familiar surroundings. It's only a week for God's sake.

I do keep fighting the urge to write "if I die" communications - even though I know that won't happen. It's just, I'm getting freaked now.

ARGHHHHHH!

Right. Enough of this whinging and silliness. I'm going to go and bath and pack. I shall see you all on the flip side. Well, most of me will!

xxx

Comments

[lydia-petze.livejournal.com]

/hugs

You'll be fine!

[sc-fossil.livejournal.com]

Take care and get back to the fun stuff soon!

[kat-lair.livejournal.com]

*hugs* It will be fine. I'll keep you in my thoughts as I'm sure will all your friends.

[scaratch.livejournal.com]

Aww hon, don't be scared, it will all be over soon. Yes, it will be horrible, all the things you mentioned, but remember the nurses do this sort of thing all the time. Try not to think too much about it, they are used to it. Thinking of you lots! *hugs*

[jekesta]

Oh, lots of hugs and love. I've completely failed at talking to people lately, but have been thinking about you and about this coming up, and I hope everything goes okay and will be thinking of you. ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

[whatho.livejournal.com]

I can imagine how nervewracking all the periphal stuff much be - checking in and being surrounded by people. I hope it all goes brilliantly smoothly, and it'll be over and done with in a week and then there can be wellness. Thinking of you.

[ugerchucker.livejournal.com]

I'm sure all will go well and I look forwards to your return. *hugs*

[belelfmir.livejournal.com]

Everything is going to be ok, don't worry dear :)
*hugs*

[enednoviel.livejournal.com]

It's normal to be scared. I would be too. I'll be thinking of you and I'm sure everything is going to be all right. *HUGS*

[cynatnite.livejournal.com]

*hugz* Wish I could be there for you.

Spoil yourself for a few days when you get home.

[kassidy62.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry you're scared, but of course you'd feel this way. You'll be back home soon and your friends will be here waiting.

[perverteerno1.livejournal.com]

*hugs tight* I'm sure it'll be fine!
I hope you'll recover really fast!

[elfinessy.livejournal.com]

will be thinking of you and sending thoughts and will be here when you come back

[curiositykate.livejournal.com]

Good luck! I'll be thinking of you ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

[birggitt.livejournal.com]

*lots of hugs*
You'll be fine, I know, you know... but some stress it's unavoidable in these situations, so you also have my deepest sympathy.
And more hugs *g*

[hardboiledbaby]

I'm late, but know that lots of good thoughts and positive energy have been pointed your way *hugs*