Oct. 6th, 2013 09:26 am
lolabobs: (angels)
So yesterday I dreamt of Derren Brown, a little eye contact and shared understanding, but nothing else.

Last night I dreamed:

I had to euthanise my Grandmother (an imaginary one, none of my real ones thank goodness) by lowering her into a crocodile infested pond. This was normal, was what happened to people and was considered humane. (!)

I then realised I was supposed to be doing a degree as part of my work and hadn't done any of the work. I still had to go the year end feedback summary though - so I had to go and see my old boss from programmes. He gave me the nicest hug in the world. (In real life he looks like he gives the best hugs, I'd like a Charles hug.)

Then I had to go and see all my "work" on display boards - my colleagues were trying to say nice things about it, despite it being incomplete and rubbish.

Then I saw another colleague was giving "my" family (a mother and father and a young girl in a pink dress) all my feedback - like parents' day. I went and challenged him, saying just because I was mentally ill, he didn't have the right to do that. He apologised and took me off to see my work in his lock up. We went there and I had to wait for him, so I went and sat on his ginormous horsehair, scratchy sofa/bed. I woke up later (in dream) in bed with him, snuggled up against his back. Completely innocently, fully clothed, but his girlfriend was standing over us looking cross.
(In real life I would NOT like to be snuggled against this colleague in any way shape or form!)

lolabobs: (Rufus)
And I have 300 less pounds.

Vetses is expensive.

They gave me the whole, "He'll sleep, not go out or want to eat much" talk - Rufus wasn't listening and has proceeded to devour some chicken, patrol his estate and loll around looking cutesome and sweet. No hesitation in necking the chicken either, considering he has 13 holes in his gums. He's a lot hardier than I am when it comes to dentistry, that's for certain.
lolabobs: (angels)
Mainly 'cos I persisted in pretending it was warm enough to sit in the garden and read. Even under a blanket this was not the case.

I wanted the fresh air though, because I spent the best part of the day driving to Bury (about an hour and three quarters away) to collect an ebay purchase. So the drive there, then sitting in the street for another 90 minutes. We were 30 minutes early, the chap hadn't given me the house number only the postcode and his mobile number. The mobile number that he hadn't switched on. We waited, we phoned and left messages and we texted. He eventually phoned me at 12.30 wondering where we were... When I pointed out that we'd been waiting and he didn't have his phone on he responded with a vague. "No, no I don't suppose I have."

The plan had been to collect the item, then spend the day in Bury - it's a nice enough town, we were going to mooch and lunch and the like. But Mum had gotten stiff from sitting, so we turned round and came home again. A long old drive for not much reward. But it was sunny and dry and she got the trolley she's been looking for, so no catastrophe.

Even more positively, I managed to get into the dentist - my dental surgery closed down, suddenly - staff got two week's notice, customers none. They're a national chain but closed down our branch - they still haven't written to tell me. If I didn't know one of the staff I would have turned up for my apt none the wiser. No wonder they failed if this is their attitude to customer service (They took over the small independent surgery that I was under.) Many of you will know I'm a complete dentistphobe and I have been alarmed at losing a dentist that I could trust and who knew my full freakdom and treated me accordingly. But Hurrah! My Mum's dental practice have taken on my dentist and I got a place. Yay - So relieved.

Still cold though.
lolabobs: (angels)
Just half hour, because I wanted to get out of the house and get some fresh air. I'd been walking less then 15 minutes when I tripped when stepping over a low wall and scraped my leg bloody! So, more accurately, I went for a 15 minute walk and a 15 minute limp! The sun and sea were lovely though, the tide was in and crashing over the sea defences.

Then I went and parked in the country (near those trees in my last picture) and read my book in the sunshine for an hour.

Then I went and bought some plants for my garden, some heathery things and some bulbs.
lolabobs: (angels)
And Bruce clearly agrees with me.

Bruce. photo 22092013366_zps4191a670.jpg

I spent the day writing a report for work to try and minimise the problems caused by my forthcoming absence. Bruce tried to sabotage me throughout, sitting on papers, knocking them to the floor, biting them and then trying to sit on the laptop when all else failed!

Still, it's done now - well, as best as it can be. I've emailed it in and I've posted my sick note, my list of case apts and details of what's coming due through the postbox at work and I've phoned and left a message that I won't be in. Now all I have to do is have the actual conversation with my boss tomorrow.

And my back is a little easier too so I might actually sleep tonight.

Little slivers of sunshine.


Sep. 20th, 2013 08:38 pm
lolabobs: (angels)
I put my back out today - bent to feed the cats and something went ping. I walked around work like an old, old lady!
lolabobs: (angels)
I drove an hour to Norwich today, waited 40 minutes and then drove an hour back. All to have a Hep B vaccination. Which is quite a frustrating waste of time in and of itself. When you factor in the fact that the nurse delivering said jab didn't actually bother to make the journey herself, well, that adds a whole new layer of irritation.

Still, at least my arm isn't sore.

Yesterday I drove 5.5 hours for a 1.5hour meeting. I had a posh new hire car for that journey though, so that was yesterday's silver lining.

Today my boss got an ear bashing for a piece of work that wasn't done instead of me. (Mind you, it's fair 'cos it was her that hadn't done the work, not me.)

Also today: I spent hours today completing recall paperwork - completed on the shiny new forms that go with our shiny new computer system. (You know, the shiny new system that has tripled the time taken for anything to be done) - done this, only to get an email at the end of the day stating "oh, we can't use that form yet, you'll have to do it again" - (And no it isn't just a copy/paste job cos the boxes are different.) My nice boss had also spent several hours doing the exact same thing for another offender. Such purposeful use of our time. Nice to know I'm not the only one - and (because I'm so brittle at the moment I think) bosses have arranged for their PA to complete the redo and not me.

So hey, look at that - all those silver linings.


Sep. 16th, 2013 10:53 pm
lolabobs: (angels)
I'm sitting on my sofa. On the far arm, Phoebe is curled up, nose under her tail. cute as you like.

At my end, I am sitting with my feet curled up beside me, laptop on my, well, lap.

On my feet, snuggled up against my thigh is Bruce, curled round, head upside down and feet in the begging position.
On my other thigh is Albert, he is stretched out, slotted in under the laptop. On the arm of the sofa is Rufus' bottom, his head and front paws are resting across my arm and boob.

I am as warm as toast.

lolabobs: (angels)
Work tomorrow means high anxiety tonight.

And this degenerated into a really miserable self-pity fest, so I'm cutting it )

Instead I went and listened to youtube and wierd songs and vids. Going to bed now though.
lolabobs: (angels)
I'm going to bed. With a book, with hot buttered toast, and with hot chocolate. And you can't stop me.

lolabobs: (angels)
Took Mother into town today - it felt like everybody was in my space, my whole skin felt itchy and imposed upon. We went to buy a satnav - yet after I paid (and before we had the item) the cashier said - "if it goes wrong you know you can't bring it back here don't you - you'll have to send it to the manufacturers" - So I told her to refund my payment and I wouldn't bother. I don't think she could believe it, she stood there "but... but..."

(I'm kind of aware I shot myself in the foot with it, because it was a half price deal and therefore good value, but the attitude was poor, I think the policy sucks, you sell me a faulty product then my contract is with you (I'm not talking about a year down the line, oh, and I've just realised she tried to sell me the extended warranty, so how would that work? Pay £30 extra and still not be allowed to return it to them? Hell I don't know.)

Triumph though, in that we set up Mother's kindle - she is an absolute technophobe and terrified of anything with buttons. But I set her up an amazon account and got her to 'buy' a few freebie books and to be able to switch on and read a few pages. I'll have to show here again tomorrow. And probably the next day, but I figure that repetition will eventually get her there :)

And otherwise? Finished Jack Reacher, I found it a little dissatisfying but enjoyed the journey.

I have 5 episodes of True Blood left. I'm not enjoying Season 6 as much as others, but I'm grading on a curve and am still having fun with it.

I know today doesn't fully count as cheerful, but I'm trying my damnedest and it's the best I've got.
lolabobs: (angels)
I've been to Southwold many many many times, I've been to the Pier cafeteria and had a chocolate Sundae with 6 (six!) flakes in one dish, I've been to the Pier Amusements and the Pier toilets.

I have never, before today even seen the pier itself. As mind bogglingly stupid as it sounds, I never even knew there was an actual Pier there. (Not sure what I thought, it seems that I didn't think at all, maybe I thought it was like the Lowestoft Piers that don't actually seem to exist beyond an amusement arcade.) Either way,I was surprised to find out that there was a pier, with amusements, restaurants, shops, fishermen and a water clock.

[Said water clock performed on the half hour, I happened to be there at the appropriate time and saw a mini crowd gathering, so loitered with intent. The half hour came and some tulips popped up, a tin man in a bath spat water and then, at the climax of the piece, two other tin men dropped trou and 'peed' water. The reaction was astonishing - such gushing laughter, excitement and amusement. One woman was laughing so hard, then turned to her companion and explained how she has watched the clock many times and always finds it so very funny... I think I must be generally sour.]

There's also an 'under the pier' show, with all these bizarre things - a treadmill with a robot dog on so you can 'rent a dog' and take it for a walk. I frisking machine where you stand and two gloves frisk you. A zimmer cross the road machine, where you walk a zimmer and dodge video cars, a box you sit in to experience a total eclipse... loads of these bizarre inventions. One older couple were trying everything. Rephrase, one older man was being forcefully persuaded to try out every machine by his companion. At the other end of the room a child was screaming in abject terror as a paper mache (how do you type accents?) doctor was looming at her. Grand stuff.

My friend and I then sat in a hotel lounge eating lunch and chilling. Slowly we outsat everyone else in the bar (staff included) until there was just one man there, hidden behind a newspaper. S jokily commented that he was listening to our conversation and would be perturbed, so I said "So, S, tell me about your sex life" and mimed the chap freaking out behind his paper. S must have missed this mime, and proceeded to tell me. In more detail than I ever needed to know.

I win points for calmness however (although I do think this is because I seem to be seeing things from a distance at the moment) - when we were driving home, S misread the road entirely (it is a deceptive bend) and mounted the pavement and I just coolly told her "this is the pavement S, not the road", so calm, no agitation or alarm. (S reacted with slightly more panic!)

Anyway. That was today.
lolabobs: (angels)
Which was pleasant.

Used my floor steamer which was quite amusing.

Used my handwash to do the dishes because I've run out of fairy liquid.


Had planned to spend the day with a friend, but another friend didn't want me along - so I had a lazy day at home. Reading, steaming, eating chocolate and continuing the True Blood marathon.

I ventured into fanfic land today, in the spirit of gentle enquiry and there appears to be minimal Eric/Bill. which is surprising. Also Lillith's pubic area is, odd looking. Also has there been an episode without breasts?

I am spending the day with a different friend tomorrow. She does want me along :)
lolabobs: (angels)
Lemon drizzle and gingerbread to be precise. I can vouch for the lemon, but am leaving the gingerbread to develop. Hopefully it will be good.

I am also reading new Jack Reacher.

Harry Potter's Aunt Petunia was a badass witch in True Blood. Which was a surprise. And now Maid Marion is in it, and Alistair from SPN.

I slept well last night. I think it was the alcohol, which I am now resisting.

All of my cats are in the house and have even been in the same room for hours at a time. It's the rain rather than a sudden bonding, but I'll take what I can get.
lolabobs: (angels)
Seeing as I've been such a misery guts of late

(*barring emergency)

So, this week will be posts of happy making things only.

Today's is the fact I have a big old glass of booze that I am slowly working my way through.

And I have 5 series of True Blood that I am whizzing through. (apart to start season 5, don't spoil me.) I'm not sure how I managed to avoid this previously, but oh it is fun. Prettiness and ridiculousness and oh my god, did I mention the pretty and the sex and the funny. I am watching it at a shameful rate and the world is permeating my dreams all night - nothing concrete, just the general sense of being in that world. Mainly with Eric as a background character throughout.

I thought SPN was overwhelmingly full of the pretty, but this is beauty x a thousand, and they're all naked, all the time.

(Which leads me to wonder, why exactly did my colleague decide "I knew *you'd* love it." !)

I haven't done fiction yet, trying to avoid spoiling - but I'm not sure who I'd want to read about. I don't have a stand out pairing or character - I love them all and it makes me smile when I'm watching.

lolabobs: (angels)
Something's gonna give at some point I guess, but in the meantime, me and the tissue box are well acquainted and I have a constant headache.

Today though, amongst all the things and the stuff and the rubbish, I had to listen to colleagues pronounce to all who cared to listen, how much worse it was for the mothers at work than anyone else. Just how much more difficult it was for those with children to cope with the work load and pressures than those without children. So very much more tough.

Why exactly? Why does my work/life balance count for less than theirs? Why is it not equally as torturous for me to work myself into a puddle of shit as it is for them? Why does the fact that I don't get to see my friends because I'm working late every sodding night, count for less? The fact I have to leave work and then go and check in on Mum before I can get home? In fact, they don't work late - the parents all get to say "no, I'm not working late, I have kids" - why does that count for more than "I have to get home to care for my Mother, or to see a partner or even to spend a couple of hours on my own to reclaim my sanity"?

Don't get me wrong - parents have huge pressures, they have to juggle life and child care and stress and all the rest of it. But 90% of the time, that's a choice they made, no one made them have kids and they get all the joy and love and reward that goes with it. I'm happy for them.

But whatever being a parent makes them, it doesn't make them any more or less deserving than me. It doesn't mean that all the crap and stress and overwork hits me any less hard than it does them. Why do we have to grade on some sort of curve anyway. We're all in a shithole of a job, overworked and with redundancy looming. Why compete for who's suffering most?

Yes I'm tired, and worn down and crushed with it all. I'm harpy and oversensitive, but I'm equally as valid as those without children and I get fed up with being told I'm not.

[And no, no one on my lovely flist does this to me.]
lolabobs: (angels)
Oh I have been a Weepy Wendy today. Walked into work and basically spent most of the morning in tears - think I was in the loo more often than at my desk. Which, you know, a bit pants.

Still, I endured the day. I cancelled most of my appointments and avoided as many phone calls as I could and now it's the weekend so.

Yesterday was good though - It was my non working day, so I met a friend for lunch... We met at 11.30 and finally departed the snug at 6.00! Was good though. (even if part way through the afternoon it became burningly important that we remember how the Solar System worked and how the tides worked and what exactly it was the moon does. It's perhaps the only time in my life I will ever feel like Sherlock. We phoned her son in the end to put us out of our misery. And no, we were stone cold sober, our shame was entirely our own.
lolabobs: (angels)
And came back with a £3.99 bar of soap.

(which yes, four quid for a bar of soap is ridiculous, but still.)

I only bought it because it was in a nice box. There was a notebook too. It was A4 size, with really lovely pages - a kind of expensive but cheap looking finish. Lined and heavy. (that sounds ridiculous, the finish made it seem like an old fashioned type of paper. the ages were lovely and enticing. But the cover of the book was some kind of (fake, I hope) pony skin/fur concoction and I couldn't bear to touch it, it made me shudder and I walked around touching other things trying to rid my hands of the feel* so I couldn't buy it.

still, it's not as if I don't have a notebook or two about.

Then I took other to the supermarket, which was teh hell it normally is, made worse by it being a Saturday afternoon.

Where does one get a hearing test in the UK? I'm not sure if my Mum is getting ever more softly spoken, or if I'm going deaf. Either way it's driving me up the wall. There's a certain kind of white noise in the supermarkets that not only blocks me from hearing properly, it builds into a pressure in my head that makes me want to scream at times. (I'm fairly certain it's the nose, although I d hate supermarket shopping.)

*my senses seem a bit, well oversensitive of late. That whole touch thing with the book, the noise of supermarkets squashing my brain and I have to wear earplugs at night now to stand a chance at sleeping (baby seagulls on the roof and neighbours thinking that ta beautiful warm summer's evening means they should sit in the garden enjoying it. I mean what is the matter with some folk, how dare they sit, quietly chatting and laughing in their own yards. Seriously, it's the quietest and most inoffensive of noises, but it keeps me awake. I am walking around like a zombie at the moment.

Although last night's not sleeping was due to the fact that just as I was dropping off, I was startled awake by somebody (I would swear my Dad) calling my name. I saw or heard nothing further but lay awake for a good while listening, desperately for more.


lolabobs: (Default)

October 2013

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