Unexpected

1. I received a Christmas gift catalogue last week. "1000s of gifts for all the family". I flicked through it Friday lunchtime, there were pages of perfumes, Christmas cards and jewellary, as well as pages and pages of children's toys. Everything one would expect of a Christmas catalogue - except that, slap bang in the middle, after a page of hair straighteners and followed by a page of flat caps and watches, were pages of naughty nurse outfits, camouflage thongs and sex toys.
   
   WTF? Am I turning into a prude? I'm not offended per se, (or at all, except by the ridiculously high prices for the toys) but I do think there's a time and a place, and that maybe a catalogue full of Daleks, Dollies and Disney, isn't that place.
   
   
2. I went out last night. Our friend was singing in a local pub and we went along for the evening. The venue was a small local pub, front bar full of men in their 50s and 60s propping up the bar and playing pool.
   
   The back bar was where H was singing, and was a mellow enough environment, mixture of people, young and old. A man who looked like a cross between James May and Laurence Llewellyn Bowen, young girls wearing every item of fashionable clothing in existence all at once, a woman in flower print skirt and bodywarmer, another with a cleavage so low as to reach her belly button. The usual small pub Saturday night mix.
   
   Into this walked a couple:
   
   He - late 50s, beer gut, boring slacks and a shirt. Looked as if he'd come straight from work.
   
   She - Also late 50s, peroxide hair like a halmet,not fat but carrying rolls and bulges. Knee high black patent leather lace up stillettos, a VERY clingy PVC/rubber mini dress and a tightly strung corset belt.
   
   They were very mismatched and odd.
   
   
3. CSI versus real policing.
   
   Last night a friend's car was blocked in by a dumped stolen vehicle. When we went to try and guide him out a police man appeared and unlocked the stolen vehicle - then got us to push it out of the way - suggesting that we "try not to touch the bumper, 'cos we've got to fingerprint that tomorrow."

A Tale of Woe

A cruise on the Pacific goes all wrong, the ship sinks, and there are only 3 Survivors; Damian, Darren and Deirdre.



They manage to swim to a small island and they lived there for a couple of years doing what's natural for men and women to do.



After several years of casual sex, Deirdre felt absolutely horribleabout what she was doing. She felt having sex with both Damian and Darren was so bad that she killed herself.



It was tragic but Damian and Darren managed to get through it and,after a while, nature once more took its inevitable course.



Well, a couple more years went by and Damian and Darren began to feel absolutely horrible about what they were doing.










So they buried Deirdre.