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Didn't do so well today.
Mar. 26th, 2012 10:35 pmStarted well, took Mum shopping, got our chores done, bought some fancy clips for my hair, put me fancy togs on and went to my friend's wedding.
She looked gorgeous, really did. Beautiful and glowing and happy and that was lovely.
But I ended up leaving the party at 8.30 and sobbing my guts out in the car.
I didn't really know anyone there - a couple of people to make small talk with, that's all. So small talked through the pre wedding bit. They had the ceremony, which was nice (very brief though). Then I went to the venue - there I stood alone for 35minutes before anyone I knew at all arrived. (Everyone else in tight family groups and I'm no good at pushing myself in.) The meal came, and that was okay, but it was a table of people I knew only vaguely, and who knew each other only vaguely too, so followed another couple of hours of stilted smalltalk around food. Then it shifted to the 'evening do', the lights wnt down, the music went up and tons of other people arrived, all of whom knew each other, none of whom knew me. I stood, smiling, interjecting into conversations where possible and shrinking inside.
And I sort of could have coped with that. But:
The registrar was the same woman we registered Dad's death with, in the same building.
A good chunk of the conversation I couldn't help hearing was about Girl X's father who is currently dying in hospital.
Bridegroom had an 11yr old daughter whom he was doting upon, hugging, dancing with, loving.
I could have coped with the Dad stuff if I had friends around me, or with being alone if the other stuff wasn't going on.
As it is I managed to retreat, say my farewells to the Bride and reach my car before dissolving into a weeping, blubbering mess, which I count as a win.
She looked gorgeous, really did. Beautiful and glowing and happy and that was lovely.
But I ended up leaving the party at 8.30 and sobbing my guts out in the car.
I didn't really know anyone there - a couple of people to make small talk with, that's all. So small talked through the pre wedding bit. They had the ceremony, which was nice (very brief though). Then I went to the venue - there I stood alone for 35minutes before anyone I knew at all arrived. (Everyone else in tight family groups and I'm no good at pushing myself in.) The meal came, and that was okay, but it was a table of people I knew only vaguely, and who knew each other only vaguely too, so followed another couple of hours of stilted smalltalk around food. Then it shifted to the 'evening do', the lights wnt down, the music went up and tons of other people arrived, all of whom knew each other, none of whom knew me. I stood, smiling, interjecting into conversations where possible and shrinking inside.
And I sort of could have coped with that. But:
The registrar was the same woman we registered Dad's death with, in the same building.
A good chunk of the conversation I couldn't help hearing was about Girl X's father who is currently dying in hospital.
Bridegroom had an 11yr old daughter whom he was doting upon, hugging, dancing with, loving.
I could have coped with the Dad stuff if I had friends around me, or with being alone if the other stuff wasn't going on.
As it is I managed to retreat, say my farewells to the Bride and reach my car before dissolving into a weeping, blubbering mess, which I count as a win.
