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Mar. 22nd, 2008 09:45 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lolabobsIs everybody still on strike? Come on flist I'm lonely!
I've been shopping today - bought loads of clothes - that I'm pretty much certain will all be returned next week. I bought a pair of jeans - that will definitely go back - 'cos I don't wear jeans. I think the last time I wore jeans was around.. 20 years ago. I did buy a cropped pair last year for my Lakes holiday - and I wore them twice - and never since. I feel as if I am in fancy dress when I wear them. But on the other hand I want to - and I want to wear trousers.. We get so stuck in our comfort zone don't we, never stepping outside, never daring to break a mould that we have created for ourselves. Pah.
It was a good afternoon though, pootling around the shops, then visiting another friend. I've come home, eaten pizza and watched Torchwood(where Jack overpowered Owen with chloroform (or the current equivalent, it was always ether in the detective stories of my youth!). And this one 30 second shot was very, um, appealing to me. My fight kink is geting stronger!. I've also noticed that Ianto seems to cry a lot, or be poised on the verge of tears often. .) I was going to watch the Steptoe and son thing, simply because of Jason Isaacs, but I can't be bothered tonight. I also have Stardust to watch and don't fancy that either.
Instead I'm going to go back to SPN oh my gosh they have such delicious issues. The damage that father did to his boys - and I swear if Dean doesn't get to say "Daddy" at some point I am going to cry for lost opportunities. Each episode builds upon such sorrow and Oh. I know I'm late to this party, and I resisted for so long. I thought it was going to be some kind of BuffyLite, with a bit of brotherly bonding that could be slashed up however fandom wanted it to be...
And I didn't (and don't) fancy them - not based on their looks (in fact am becoming fixated on the fact that Sam looks like
and Dean is 
) but omg every time Dean obeys his Daddy or supresses one more emotion - something inside me implodes.
In the last few episodes alone we've seen Sam leave Dean and Dean drive away from him - cue lots of mournful looking at their 'phones and pining for the other, we've seen Sam shoot Dean (OMG), Seen Sam move furniture with the power of his angst at the thought of Dean dying. Seen Sam tell Dean that he is going to leave him when this is all over. Dean breaks me a little bit, he's so 'hard' and 'casual' on the surface but oh he's hurting inside and supressing and he needs his Daddy so much. And when he came back they had to let him go. NOOOOOOO but... Oh God Yes.
I can see the slash. (Come on, be fair,I'm a slasher, I can see slash *anywhere*) but for once, it doesn't need to be there for me - there is so much angst and agony there just in the repression and the Daddy issues and Dean's silent suffering... That's not to say I won't hunt down the slash - the 'cest of it just means that it will be that much darker, woeful and guilt ridden, but oh my. Dean needs his Daddy to tell him he done good, and that he loves him. And if he does? I think it will break him a little - and will shatter me!!
I've sort of decided that I will eat chocolate tomorrow. It will be 454 days since I last had any, but I'm not counting. If you all hear an orgasmic moaning tomorrow you'll know I succumbed!
I've been shopping today - bought loads of clothes - that I'm pretty much certain will all be returned next week. I bought a pair of jeans - that will definitely go back - 'cos I don't wear jeans. I think the last time I wore jeans was around.. 20 years ago. I did buy a cropped pair last year for my Lakes holiday - and I wore them twice - and never since. I feel as if I am in fancy dress when I wear them. But on the other hand I want to - and I want to wear trousers.. We get so stuck in our comfort zone don't we, never stepping outside, never daring to break a mould that we have created for ourselves. Pah.
It was a good afternoon though, pootling around the shops, then visiting another friend. I've come home, eaten pizza and watched Torchwood(where Jack overpowered Owen with chloroform (or the current equivalent, it was always ether in the detective stories of my youth!). And this one 30 second shot was very, um, appealing to me. My fight kink is geting stronger!. I've also noticed that Ianto seems to cry a lot, or be poised on the verge of tears often. .) I was going to watch the Steptoe and son thing, simply because of Jason Isaacs, but I can't be bothered tonight. I also have Stardust to watch and don't fancy that either.
Instead I'm going to go back to SPN oh my gosh they have such delicious issues. The damage that father did to his boys - and I swear if Dean doesn't get to say "Daddy" at some point I am going to cry for lost opportunities. Each episode builds upon such sorrow and Oh. I know I'm late to this party, and I resisted for so long. I thought it was going to be some kind of BuffyLite, with a bit of brotherly bonding that could be slashed up however fandom wanted it to be...
And I didn't (and don't) fancy them - not based on their looks (in fact am becoming fixated on the fact that Sam looks like
and Dean is 
) but omg every time Dean obeys his Daddy or supresses one more emotion - something inside me implodes. In the last few episodes alone we've seen Sam leave Dean and Dean drive away from him - cue lots of mournful looking at their 'phones and pining for the other, we've seen Sam shoot Dean (OMG), Seen Sam move furniture with the power of his angst at the thought of Dean dying. Seen Sam tell Dean that he is going to leave him when this is all over. Dean breaks me a little bit, he's so 'hard' and 'casual' on the surface but oh he's hurting inside and supressing and he needs his Daddy so much. And when he came back they had to let him go. NOOOOOOO but... Oh God Yes.
I can see the slash. (Come on, be fair,I'm a slasher, I can see slash *anywhere*) but for once, it doesn't need to be there for me - there is so much angst and agony there just in the repression and the Daddy issues and Dean's silent suffering... That's not to say I won't hunt down the slash - the 'cest of it just means that it will be that much darker, woeful and guilt ridden, but oh my. Dean needs his Daddy to tell him he done good, and that he loves him. And if he does? I think it will break him a little - and will shatter me!!
I've sort of decided that I will eat chocolate tomorrow. It will be 454 days since I last had any, but I'm not counting. If you all hear an orgasmic moaning tomorrow you'll know I succumbed!
