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lolabobsSo, in a few hours I am admitted.
I feel so sick right now. Like there's a lump blocking my throat. I haven't packed my hospital bag, nor my 'stuff to take to Mum's' bag. I haven't bathed or dressed and I'm just sitting here trying to will teh time to pass, but also to stand still.
Ug.
I'm blocking out the consequences of teh op, I'm trying not to think about the practicalities of it. Actually I'm not too worried about the pain etc. I'll have morphine immediately after, and analgesia afterward. I'll be looked after and have no pressure, so that's good. I'm lucky there. I'm just freaking about the immediate stuff. The being in hospital surrounded by people stuff, the not being able to talk to those I need to speak with. Having embarassing things done, enemas, catheters, hating my body and having it exposed to stranger after stranger. Geting more and more stressed. Ug.
It will be done in a week. I'll be home and in familiar surroundings. It's only a week for God's sake.
I do keep fighting the urge to write "if I die" communications - even though I know that won't happen. It's just, I'm getting freaked now.
ARGHHHHHH!
Right. Enough of this whinging and silliness. I'm going to go and bath and pack. I shall see you all on the flip side. Well, most of me will!
xxx
I feel so sick right now. Like there's a lump blocking my throat. I haven't packed my hospital bag, nor my 'stuff to take to Mum's' bag. I haven't bathed or dressed and I'm just sitting here trying to will teh time to pass, but also to stand still.
Ug.
I'm blocking out the consequences of teh op, I'm trying not to think about the practicalities of it. Actually I'm not too worried about the pain etc. I'll have morphine immediately after, and analgesia afterward. I'll be looked after and have no pressure, so that's good. I'm lucky there. I'm just freaking about the immediate stuff. The being in hospital surrounded by people stuff, the not being able to talk to those I need to speak with. Having embarassing things done, enemas, catheters, hating my body and having it exposed to stranger after stranger. Geting more and more stressed. Ug.
It will be done in a week. I'll be home and in familiar surroundings. It's only a week for God's sake.
I do keep fighting the urge to write "if I die" communications - even though I know that won't happen. It's just, I'm getting freaked now.
ARGHHHHHH!
Right. Enough of this whinging and silliness. I'm going to go and bath and pack. I shall see you all on the flip side. Well, most of me will!
xxx
