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I shall be going back to work tomorrow.
Jan. 16th, 2012 04:22 pmFor a meeting and maybe a couple of hours is all. I went to see Doc this morning and he wanted to sign me off longer, but I need to go back to work now. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to and I cried ater speaking to the HR, and feel sick whenever I think of it, but if I don't go back soon I won't be able to. And as I haven't won the lottery I cannot live without a job, therefore needs must. My doctor was lovely though.
I have an appointmnet with a link worker on the 30th - how quickly works the nhs - and I'm not really sure what it's for, to 'assess' and see what help I need. I need all this not to have happened, but I guess that's an unreasonable request.
Anyhoo. Work. I shall be on some kind of phased return - a meeting with my line manager tomorrow (I've been reverted back to my old line manager in my absence. Not sure how he'll feel about that, but I think I've been deemed too fragile to cope with a new line manager right now, especially one who is retiring at Easter.) and a meeting wth HR on Thursday. I probably shan't go in other than that this week.
My biggest dilemma/issue is whether I can/want to continue the group delivery work.
( me trying to make straight my thoughts and worries about group work. It's a confusing mess to me so is best avoided. ).
What else. I have been sleeping at home for a week now. I've been sleeping at home, pottering about in the mornings and then coming up to Mum's for the rest of the day/evening. Obviously when I return to work full time she will then be alone all day. I hate it. Mum and Dad were those couple that went everywhere together, sat together in the evenings, held hands when they walked anywhere. I hate her being alone so much. She, of course, says "she's fine" and "will manage" and "I'm not going to ruin your life, girly." but then she talks to other people and says how she hates the quiet and how long the evenings are when she's on her own and how dreadful it is.
And see, I know time is the great healer and she will get used to his absence, and being alone and all the rest of it but in the meantime I cry in my car after I leave her each night.
And the other thing is her health - that's not going to get better - and I know that, unless she reaches a stage that needs hospital type care, I will have to move in with her eventually to look after her. And I wonder if it wouldn't be better to just do that now - rather than waiting till later? - which brings with it huge questions aboutr finance and funding and buying her house and cats and ... oh.
These are the things that go round and round and round my mind. It's no wonder I can't sleep. Although, if I catch the sleeping pill at a time when I have a restful mind - ie I stop reading at exactly the right time, then I can catch a few hours.
I've been trying to organise scattering Dad's ashes, and Mum's Benefits, and Dad's bank accounts and they're all being shitty. Oh! And I had a woman tell me that week that I was "Just being awkward" when I phoned for the FIFTH time to chase a refund that had supposedly been issued 5 weeks ago!
I have an appointmnet with a link worker on the 30th - how quickly works the nhs - and I'm not really sure what it's for, to 'assess' and see what help I need. I need all this not to have happened, but I guess that's an unreasonable request.
Anyhoo. Work. I shall be on some kind of phased return - a meeting with my line manager tomorrow (I've been reverted back to my old line manager in my absence. Not sure how he'll feel about that, but I think I've been deemed too fragile to cope with a new line manager right now, especially one who is retiring at Easter.) and a meeting wth HR on Thursday. I probably shan't go in other than that this week.
My biggest dilemma/issue is whether I can/want to continue the group delivery work.
( me trying to make straight my thoughts and worries about group work. It's a confusing mess to me so is best avoided. ).
What else. I have been sleeping at home for a week now. I've been sleeping at home, pottering about in the mornings and then coming up to Mum's for the rest of the day/evening. Obviously when I return to work full time she will then be alone all day. I hate it. Mum and Dad were those couple that went everywhere together, sat together in the evenings, held hands when they walked anywhere. I hate her being alone so much. She, of course, says "she's fine" and "will manage" and "I'm not going to ruin your life, girly." but then she talks to other people and says how she hates the quiet and how long the evenings are when she's on her own and how dreadful it is.
And see, I know time is the great healer and she will get used to his absence, and being alone and all the rest of it but in the meantime I cry in my car after I leave her each night.
And the other thing is her health - that's not going to get better - and I know that, unless she reaches a stage that needs hospital type care, I will have to move in with her eventually to look after her. And I wonder if it wouldn't be better to just do that now - rather than waiting till later? - which brings with it huge questions aboutr finance and funding and buying her house and cats and ... oh.
These are the things that go round and round and round my mind. It's no wonder I can't sleep. Although, if I catch the sleeping pill at a time when I have a restful mind - ie I stop reading at exactly the right time, then I can catch a few hours.
I've been trying to organise scattering Dad's ashes, and Mum's Benefits, and Dad's bank accounts and they're all being shitty. Oh! And I had a woman tell me that week that I was "Just being awkward" when I phoned for the FIFTH time to chase a refund that had supposedly been issued 5 weeks ago!
