lolabobs | My Mum has been kidnapped by aliens.

Mum is an old fashioned type. (She *is* 68!) She doesn't swear, she says "Blessed thing" and "blummin" and maybe "bugger". She is never crude or rude and although she might laugh at a risque remark, she is never vulgar.

Her Dad was a sailor, and he taught her and her sisters (and me years later!)a few 'naughty' sailor songs, but they were things like "God made a mountain, he made it out of glass,down came the Devil, sliding on his arse" - things like that.

Today I played Mum & Dad a sea shanty - the opening verse of which was:

"T'was on the good ship Venus, By God you should have seen us,
The figurehead was a whore in bed, sucking a dead man's penis"

Dad (also a sailor) knew it and sang along, which lead to a conversation about the songs Mum was taught as a child.

When asked if it was one she would have sang, she replied that she wouldn't have even known what a penis was. After some incredulity, we asked what she called said body part when she was child (born in 1939 remember).

She looked coy and said "just the normal, you know - cock".

COCK!!!

Dad nearly fell from his chair - he did a classic sitcom-stylee doubletake and we just exploded. When we finally recovered, he confirmed that having known her 50 years he had NEVER heard her say such a thing. Mum just sat there, glowing scarlet red with embarassment and us? we sat there crying with laughter.

I know this is probably a 'you had to be there thing', but OMG, my Mum said COCK!!!