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[lolabobs]

And then yesterday was the funeral for my boss. I'd been in a dilemma all week as to whether I should go or not. I felt I should, wanted to go, because I wanted to show my respect and also knew how important it felt for me to have lots of people at Dad's, but I was scared because I didn't know if I'd be able to do it.

I went in the end, but started getting so anxious and strung out in the car on the way - far too many memories of the last time I was there and was crying before I even got halfway there. I persevered though and brought myself under control. There were lots of people from work - a number of old faces too - the whole, lovely to see you but for such a horrible reason cliche.

I was doing okay until it came to walking in and seeing the same celebrant as for Dad, the same doors etc. It was awful and I felt guilty because I was crying for the wrong reasons. I wasn't there mourning David, I was remembering and reliving and wanting my Daddy.

I was glad I went though, because Probation aside, there were very few mourners (and so so wrong, but I couldn't stop myself thinking "There were so many more for Dad" and gaining comfort from that.)

The celebrant (SuperSteve!) was the same man and bits of his presentation were exactly the same, as in word for word, the same as for Dad - which threw me back screechingly to our ceremony and when the family walked in I had to fight so hard to stay in my seat and not leave.

But I did it. I left pretty much straight away - went and sat in my car and had a cry. Then spent the rest of the day in a foul, foul mood. But I did it and was proud of myself for that.

Comments

[kimberlyfdr.livejournal.com]

::Hugs::

[lolabobs.livejournal.com]

Thanks xx