lolabobs: (angels)
[personal profile] lolabobs
So things continue to be shit. I'm really struggling at the moment. Life is work, Mum and not sleeping (or nightmares, still not sure which I prefer!)

So work: The Government have decided my job is no longer needed, they're changing it so that only 20% of offenders will be managed by Probation Officers, the rest will be farmed out to private companies and volunteers, with payment being target driven. No thought as to how you assess achievement of targets, no thought as to how to manage fluctuating risk, who does assessments, who picks up the pieces - the response to a question around offenders going on to commit serious offences without the current monitoring and risk management was a shrug and effectively "shit happens".

The reality of it, for our office and our numbers, is that we will need 3-5 Probation Officers only to manage the numbers, and none of the lower grade staff. Which is 70% redundancy for POs in my office, 100% for lower grades. The goal is that Probation services will create private companies and TUPE us across, but then they'd have to win the contracts and our salaries and leave etc wouldn't really be protected. All this will be made final in a week or two and will probably be instigated within the year.

If I lose my job? Well, I'm not qualified for another role without further training and have no money to start yet another degree. I'm lucky in that I will be able to move back with mother if it becomes a necessity but it's still shite on a stick while it's all so unknown.

In the meantime, I'm working 12-13 hour days trying to manage an excessive caseload and getting nowhere. Spending my days getting shouted at and threatened and am very clearly not waving but drowning.

I went to the doctor yesterday, for my ulcer medication - he says it should be better by now and has threatened me with further hospital referrals if I don't improve. He was talking to me, then stopped and asked what was wrong and I realised I was crying. He's a lovely chap. (Last week when we took Mum, he likened her kidneys to a tea strainer, then pointed out that hers was "a very old tea strainer"). He talked to me for a bit and wanted to sign me off, offering 3 times but I said no. Not quite sure why now, but there it is.

In the meantime if a man in lavender glasses stabs me, I foretold it in my dreams. So yay me

Date: 2013-02-15 05:35 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] smudley.livejournal.com
{{gentle hugs}} i'm holding you close in my heart and sending up umpteen-bazillion petitions to the Universe that everything works out the very best way possible for you, hon. i really feel that good things, happy things, are ahead for you. i really, really do. it's a gut feeling, and i know those don't always count for much, but i just have a strong sense that you may be having to walk through a rough patch to get to the blue-sky-meadow beyond, and i believe it's just a short walk away. in the meantime, hang in there, and know that you are LOVED.

Date: 2013-02-16 01:30 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lolabobs.livejournal.com
Let's hope that there are blue skies and meadows waiting round teh corner for both of us. You certainly deserve a glorious warmth filled lea - we both will plug on with determination till we get there.

In the meantime, let me share my hope and love with you every single day xxx

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