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Mar. 31st, 2012 11:47 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lolabobsLast Friday was my friend's birthday; she had a mini party and then we all went to a local pub for Karaoke and fun. We usually go to Boogie Nights, a cheesetastic party night at a night club in the next town, but Daddy used to take us, and rather than have me upset, Paula changed her plans and we stuck to Lowestoft. She's marvellous.
We had a really good night, lots and lots of laughter, hugs and just fun. She was merry and at one point she just hugged me, for such a long time - and it felt so safe and so warm - it made me cry, but I'm used to that. It was a really good night.
Whilst there, we bumped into a second or third cousin of mine, coincidentally the mother of one of Paulette's pupils. I haven't seen her in years, but we spoke and she met Paula etc etc - and her mother was there- Dad's cousin, we nodded and spoke very briefly. (as in 'hello'".
So. Mum's away this week, and I'm on cat duty. I checked her answer machine messages to hear a call from my Aunt, commenting that I was seen at the weekend and had "obviously moved on."
And I'm so angry - and guilty and cross and sad. I miss my Daddy so so very much.
We had a really good night, lots and lots of laughter, hugs and just fun. She was merry and at one point she just hugged me, for such a long time - and it felt so safe and so warm - it made me cry, but I'm used to that. It was a really good night.
Whilst there, we bumped into a second or third cousin of mine, coincidentally the mother of one of Paulette's pupils. I haven't seen her in years, but we spoke and she met Paula etc etc - and her mother was there- Dad's cousin, we nodded and spoke very briefly. (as in 'hello'".
So. Mum's away this week, and I'm on cat duty. I checked her answer machine messages to hear a call from my Aunt, commenting that I was seen at the weekend and had "obviously moved on."
And I'm so angry - and guilty and cross and sad. I miss my Daddy so so very much.
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no subject
Date: 2012-04-01 03:05 am (UTC)And then I remembered...my life is not my dad's life, and I have to LIVE MINE.
Memories are fine. Tears are fine. It means you LOVE and WERE LOVED and WILL BE LOVED and that's what life is all wrapped up IN.
Sweetie. ((((HUGS))))
Dance like no one's watching. That is LIVING LIFE.
no subject
Date: 2012-04-04 10:08 pm (UTC)I also know guilt is a classic part of the process but still can't quite manage to oust it completely.
It sucks doesn't it - and yet, it sucks precisely because the love is such a strong part of my life, and I wouldn't be without that for the world.
Thank youfor thinking of me xx