(no subject)

[lolabobs]

Last Friday was my friend's birthday; she had a mini party and then we all went to a local pub for Karaoke and fun. We usually go to Boogie Nights, a cheesetastic party night at a night club in the next town, but Daddy used to take us, and rather than have me upset, Paula changed her plans and we stuck to Lowestoft. She's marvellous.

We had a really good night, lots and lots of laughter, hugs and just fun. She was merry and at one point she just hugged me, for such a long time - and it felt so safe and so warm - it made me cry, but I'm used to that. It was a really good night.

Whilst there, we bumped into a second or third cousin of mine, coincidentally the mother of one of Paulette's pupils. I haven't seen her in years, but we spoke and she met Paula etc etc - and her mother was there- Dad's cousin, we nodded and spoke very briefly. (as in 'hello'".

So. Mum's away this week, and I'm on cat duty. I checked her answer machine messages to hear a call from my Aunt, commenting that I was seen at the weekend and had "obviously moved on."

And I'm so angry - and guilty and cross and sad. I miss my Daddy so so very much.

Comments

[kimberlyfdr.livejournal.com]

Just because you're living doesn't mean you've forgotten your Daddy. If your aunt can't understand that, it's her problem. You have every right to live and work through your grief in whatever way you want.

[lolabobs.livejournal.com]

Thanks - I know this academically, but it's real hard sometimes to feel it too. It was a tough week last week and I struggled with this a lot. Thanks for your thoughts x

[cakesy.livejournal.com]

WOW. I am MORE ANGRY ABOUT THIS than I was about the dude who went on holiday without his wife. THAT IS HOW ANGRY THIS MAKES ME. That woman is TERRIBLE.

[lolabobs.livejournal.com]

I'm working towards angry, angry is much easier to deal with. x

[hardboiledbaby]

Oh, babe. You know your father would want you to do all the normal things and he knows you'll never forget him. *hugs*

[lolabobs.livejournal.com]

Thanks; I *know* that, but struggle when faced with comments like that.

hugs x

[smudley.livejournal.com]

{{HUGS}} From everything I ever read about your daddy in this journal, he was *not* the kind of person who would've wanted you to be so paralyzed with grief that you couldn't enjoy being alive *yourself*. He would have wanted you to draw strength from your friends, and find joy in life again, and open up your heart, and heal, and **live**, by god. If your aunt doesn't get that, she's an incredibly pathetic person, so pathetic, in fact, that she doesn't deserve our anger; she deserves our *pity*. My god. I'm ecstatic and PROUD that you were able to enjoy a night with your friend. Bless you. Do NOT give that woman a minute more of your time on this issue. {{MORE HUGS}}

[mrs-sweetpeach.livejournal.com]

YES! Thank you so much for writing the above as you have expressed in words what I was feeling (and couldn't figure out how to translate into words).

[lolabobs.livejournal.com]

Thank you xxx

[lauramcewan.livejournal.com]

What Aurora said. Darling, life GOES ON. If your aunt truly was being snotty and not just "saying it wrong", then fuck her. Seriously. I have BEEN in your shoes. I felt guilty for having SEX with my HUSBAND and I cried the first time.

And then I remembered...my life is not my dad's life, and I have to LIVE MINE.

Memories are fine. Tears are fine. It means you LOVE and WERE LOVED and WILL BE LOVED and that's what life is all wrapped up IN.

Sweetie. ((((HUGS))))

Dance like no one's watching. That is LIVING LIFE.

[lolabobs.livejournal.com]

Thanks Laura, I know life goes on, and I know my Dad would hate to see how unhappy we are without him - it's incredibly hard sometimes to marry that knowledge with my feelings though - and I know you know that.

I also know guilt is a classic part of the process but still can't quite manage to oust it completely.

It sucks doesn't it - and yet, it sucks precisely because the love is such a strong part of my life, and I wouldn't be without that for the world.

Thank youfor thinking of me xx

[lolabobs.livejournal.com]

((hugs))

Thank you so much. Academically I know my Daddy would be pleased to see me happy (and would hate to see us hurting the way we are), it gets hard though when faced with cruel/thoughtless comments. It was a tough week for me last week, so I guess I was more vulnerable to it.

I'm trying to focus on the things I know, and disregard the rest.

Thanks again xxx

[enednoviel.livejournal.com]

Don't feel guilty for getting on with your life. I'm pretty sure your dad wouldn't want that. *HUGS*

[lolabobs.livejournal.com]

((hugs))

Thank you - I'm trying. I know Dad wouldn't want us to be unhappy, I know he certainly wouldn't object to me going out with my friends. xx

[whatho.livejournal.com]

Your aunt needs to be so phenomenally ignored. I can never quite get over how judgemental and knowing and just plain wrong people can be on the topic of other people's grief and what it means and how it's expressed. It's so enormously no-one else's business. Just to reiterate, though you already know, it's absolutely fine to go out, to have fun, to do what you feel like doing, and we know just how much you miss him.

[lolabobs.livejournal.com]

Thanks Sam, I am trying to ignore her (although being angry toward her is helping somewhat). I know my Dad would hate to see us hurting so much. x

[scaratch.livejournal.com]

Aw hun, so sorry your aunt upset you. Maybe that is just her way of being comforting. I don't know, but I compare it to my older relatives who seem to say stupid, unthoughtful things, and I know that they don't mean it to be unkind, it is just how they express themselves.

Glad you had a good time out though. There is never enough of those types of nights! Savour it, and don't spend any more time worrying about what people may or may not think. You are allowed to have some fun.

*hugs*

[lolabobs.livejournal.com]

(hugs)

Thanks - part of me is able to tell myself she didn't mean it, or at least didn't mean it hurtfully. And I'm trying to focus on teh benefot of having a nice time with the people I love. I know my Dad wuldn't want me to be miserable.