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Sep. 3rd, 2011 12:37 pmI have a male friend. He's single, doesn't really like himself, but wants a partner.
(Oops - realise this sounds like I'm about to draft a personal ad for him, it's not. I'm just trying to set the scene.)
When we are out together he is constantly looking at girls. As in constantly, as in lose the track of our conversation follow them across the room with his eyes, looking. If we go to a pub he chooses where to sit based on having a good view of the room. When we are ensconced in our seats, or there's no one else around, he is focussed. He is considerate and cares for his friends and I'm not trying to make him sound bad here, but trying to explain what it's like.
It's just it bugs me on two very different levels.
On the one hand - whilst I do not want him to like/want me at all, I do like to have the attention of people I'm with in the same way as they get mine. In that I don't want 100% uninterrupted focus, but I would like not to feel that the second a young girl walks past, our conversation will be put on hold while he ogles. I have called him on it and it's now almost a joke -"you know what I'm like", "I'm a man", "did you see what she was(n't) wearing" "hubba hubba" - being the kind of answers that he gives.
I think it's just that it's so constant that it sometimes makes me wonder why I'm bothering to be there, distracting him from his main goal.
The other hand is a little more complex, in that it makes me feel abnormal. 'cos I *don't* spend my time ogling other people. I glance at people when they pass (and when I'm with him I now find myself looking out for girls he's going to find attractive), but generally I don't. And I don't just mean I don't leer like he does, I mean I generally don't look at people that way. It's hard to explain. I obviously look at folk, I can abstractly assess them and can see if someone is good looking or not, but in general I'm not attracted to them*. Certainly not folk in passing. When he sees someone he will say things about being sexually aroused, or wanting to sleep with them etc etc and I just don't do that. And he's so matter of fact about his 'looking', as if it's completely natural and not at all unusual, that it makes me conclude I must be the odd one.
*obviously I can look at tv shows and see people there that I think are gorgeous, but that's in an almost abstract way. So removed from reality as to not count. And I don't imagine myself fucking them either.
I don't know.
(Oops - realise this sounds like I'm about to draft a personal ad for him, it's not. I'm just trying to set the scene.)
When we are out together he is constantly looking at girls. As in constantly, as in lose the track of our conversation follow them across the room with his eyes, looking. If we go to a pub he chooses where to sit based on having a good view of the room. When we are ensconced in our seats, or there's no one else around, he is focussed. He is considerate and cares for his friends and I'm not trying to make him sound bad here, but trying to explain what it's like.
It's just it bugs me on two very different levels.
On the one hand - whilst I do not want him to like/want me at all, I do like to have the attention of people I'm with in the same way as they get mine. In that I don't want 100% uninterrupted focus, but I would like not to feel that the second a young girl walks past, our conversation will be put on hold while he ogles. I have called him on it and it's now almost a joke -"you know what I'm like", "I'm a man", "did you see what she was(n't) wearing" "hubba hubba" - being the kind of answers that he gives.
I think it's just that it's so constant that it sometimes makes me wonder why I'm bothering to be there, distracting him from his main goal.
The other hand is a little more complex, in that it makes me feel abnormal. 'cos I *don't* spend my time ogling other people. I glance at people when they pass (and when I'm with him I now find myself looking out for girls he's going to find attractive), but generally I don't. And I don't just mean I don't leer like he does, I mean I generally don't look at people that way. It's hard to explain. I obviously look at folk, I can abstractly assess them and can see if someone is good looking or not, but in general I'm not attracted to them*. Certainly not folk in passing. When he sees someone he will say things about being sexually aroused, or wanting to sleep with them etc etc and I just don't do that. And he's so matter of fact about his 'looking', as if it's completely natural and not at all unusual, that it makes me conclude I must be the odd one.
*obviously I can look at tv shows and see people there that I think are gorgeous, but that's in an almost abstract way. So removed from reality as to not count. And I don't imagine myself fucking them either.
I don't know.
